Top 10 Things Never To Do in a Scary Movie

2 Aug
2010

In most scary movies the characters make the same cliché mistakes over and over and over again. You don’t want to be like them — be prepared so it doesn’t happen to you.

Here is a list of the Top 10 Things Never to Do in a Scary Movie. Ever!

10. Take an alternate or short cut route while driving. You might think you’ll get to your desination faster, but in a scary movie you end up never making it at all.

9. Listen to a stranger when they give you directions.  They are probably part of whatever psycho gang that roams the deserted part of town they are diverting you to.  Creepy townsfolk usually work in pairs or more.  Do not trust people dressed in uniform, it could be a trap. Be like a man in this case and drive around till you find your destination. Asking for directions is for pussy willows.

8. Scream as you’re running away from the killer. Save your energy. You’re most likely in a deserted area, no one will hear you, so what is the point? Save your breathe for running for your life.

7. Beg for mercy. “Please…don’t kill me” never works. They won’t listen to you and decide to change their mind mid-knife swing. They have no conscience and the sooner you realize this the sooner you can be quiet, focus and brainstorm about your escape plan.

6. Coincides with #7: Ask “Why are doing this?” Do you ever get a proper answer? Do you think the killer will actually sit down and have an Oprah-style chat session with you about why they turned into a maniac freak. No! So just shut up and stop asking questions.

5. Hide in a closed space with no exit strategy. Hiding under a bed never works. They will always look for you there. In fact it’s the first place they’ll look. And forget the closet. Your dead meat in there. Bathrooms with no windows is another no-no. Find some alternatives.

4. Run upstairs. When you’re on the first floor of a house and running away from the killer…use the front door and leave!  Do not go running back upstairs you stupid idiot, that’s where they’ll find you. You’re left with no alternative escape at that point but to jump out a window and possibly break your legs (if your lucky and don’t get slaughtered first). Stay level. First floors only.

3. Shout out for your friends. You might as well be carrying a megaphone! Talking above a whisper is a great way to let the killer know where you are located. If your friends are smart enough they won’t call out to you and risk getting themselves mutilated. So it’s a stupid move that will only get you killed.

2. Have sex and get hungry. You know those perverted creeps are watching you and are just waiting till your boyfriend/girlfriend leaves the room to head for the kitchen. Never leave your significant other alone. Which leads us to numero uno…

1. Split up. NEVER under any circumstances do you leave your friends. The more of you there are, the more likely you can fight off your attackers.

I hope this has been beneficial for you and will assist you in any scary movie situations you might find yourself in. If you have any more dont’s to add…comments are always welcome.

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